cuddles

It’s ok not to be perfect!

Dear Baby Girl,

I wish I could tell you I was one of those mom’s that always seem to be fashionably dressed, perfectly made up and able to juggle 50 million things at once and never break a sweat. I’m not. You will probably be embarrassed by me at some point at time.  I apologize now if you are, but I refuse to make myself something that I’m not.

Here’s the thing.  I’m a work at home mom, the only people that see me on a daily basis are you and your father.  So when I wake up in the morning (to you crying to be let out of baby prison, ie your crib) I toss on a pair of comfy pants and a t-shirt and it’s off we go.  Unless I have to go out of the house to go shopping, for a doctor’s appointment or something along those lines, this is normally my uniform for the day.  During the day you will probably stain the shirt or pants as hands covered in saliva melted goo grab on to me before I get you cleaned up.  I’ll look at the stain and simply try to wipe it off and sigh.  If it’s too bad, I’ll find a clean (or at least cleaner if I need to do wash) item and change.

Recently on babywearing groups I’m in there has been this stylish mom.  She’s always perfectly groomed, down to red lipstick that would make my skin look yellow.  Her wrap matches her outfit, her child is always perfectly cleaned and once her high heels matched the child’s outfit. I see these pictures on one group or another EVERY day.

The green eyed monster came out!  I mean, dang, it’s not fair that someone can look so perfect while being a mom!  I start my day taking care of you, first nursing, then making breakfast for us.  We play a bit and it’s off for your morning nap.  As soon as you go down, I rush to get breakfast dishes done and get to work!  I try to get as much done in the hour to two hours that you sleep, then it’s play time, lunch time, some more play time and back for your afternoon nap.  Again, I rush to get work done.  You wake up, we make dinner and eat, have some more fun time and then it’s time for bed.  Hopefully I got enough work done during the day that I can enjoy some relaxing time with your dad otherwise it’s back to work I go!  Wash, rinse, repeat.

Make up?  A little black dress with stunning lime green pumps?  Yea, I don’t have time for that!  When we take babywearing selfies, I’m normally trying to find an angle that makes the bags under my eyes look like a tiny clutch purse instead of a monstrous tote.  I’m looking to see if that strawberry juice stain is hidden under the chest pass and hopefully the shirt isn’t too bunched up.  Let’s check the hair, does it look greasy? I showered… yesterday? No, was it the day before cause you were teething and fighting napping so I barely had enough time to work, let alone shower… As one mom on our local group said, 9 times out of 10, I’m a mombie!

Then I stopped and thought about it.  I don’t wear you for photo ops, though one day I do want to have babywearing pictures taken.  I wear you because it helps us get through the day.  I wear you to give you cuddles when you’ve fallen one too many times and won’t calm down.  I wear you so that I can get housework done or dinner cooked.  I wear you so that your overtired butt goes down for a nap.  I don’t wear you to be a model, I wear you so that life continues and part of life is not being perfect.

I’m not perfect and I will never claim to be so. And you know what?  That’s okay.  If I embarrass you one day by showing up at school in yoga pants and a t-shirt, I’m sorry.  But hopefully you’ve also learned that it’s okay not to be perfect 100% of the time.  If you can at least remember that, I will have one small victory as a mother!

Love,

Mommy

P.S. It’s 2:22 and there are no stains on my clothes yet, so we are winning!!!

Toddlerhood

Dear Baby Girl,

I feel like, even though you are two weeks away from your first birthday, I have lost my baby only to have her replaced with a toddler overnight. While you may have been walking for several weeks now, we’ve gotten to a point where the time you spend walking it’s more than you spend crawling.  You’ve figured out how to squat and stand back up from the squat, so now you don’t have to sit to get that toy you wanted and can just go right back to toddling around the room, toy in hand.  You haven’t quite gotten standing from a sitting position, but I know that isn’t far behind.

Plus you are starting to lose those baby rolls 😦 You used to have the most adorable rolls at your chin, elbows, wrists and ankles. But they are going away. You are looking more like a toddler than baby every day. Your growing like a weed, just about as tall as Daddy’s inseam… Almost half his height and not even a year old! I have to wonder if your going to get the height gene from his family and end up taller than us.

You’ve got three teeth now, with the fourth soon to make an appearance I’m sure. I honestly can’t wait for you to be done teething though, it’s rough on both of us! So let’s not draw this out, my sleeping patterns would really appreciate it!

And your personality! Oh man, if infants/toddlers can be classified as divas, you are certainly one! Heaven forbid you don’t get your way, or you fall when you didn’t want to. I hear about it in a heartbeat. But you are also so happy over all! You wander around giving everything raspberries and giggling the whole while. You love coming up to me, Daddy or Bear and touching your forehead to ours, your way of saying ‘I love you’ without words.  And you should’ve seen how excited you were when Daddy brought you home Grover and Big Bird! Those stuffed toys always light up your face!

As much as I love watching you grow, I find myself missing the hours we’d spend snuggled up when you were younger. You’re not really into cuddling right now because you’re too busy exploring the world. But that’s ok, learning and exploring is important. One day we’ll get back to cozy cuddles on the couch. Until then I’ll be there when you need and want me, watching you when you need to do it on your own.

Love,

Mommy