Dear Daughter,

The title to this blog is ‘Letters of Love to my Children,’ but you are my only child right now.  Maybe one day you’ll have a little brother or sister (your dad is hoping for a brother), but right now you are it.  My only child.  My firstborn.  My daughter.  The apple of my eye.

There are so many things over the last 11 months that I’ve told you and while I’m sure that those words are locked away in your brain somewhere, unless we figure out how to unlock baby memories you will never remember them. (This might be a good thing, I’ve gotten frustrated a time or two….or three…)  I’ve thought so often about doing something like this, but with being a military family I was afraid paper letters would get lost. E-mail accounts could end up closed.  The internet though?  That is forever.

One day you may look at this and go “Oh mom, how could you do something so public?”  That will probably be your teenage years.  Hopefully one day you look at this and see it for what I mean it to be, an expression of love.

We are quickly approaching your first birthday.  I’m still in shock over the fact that it’s almost here because at times it feels like only weeks ago that I was complaining to your father about how huge I was, how I couldn’t wait for you to get here.  Yet here we are.  11 months old.  And, pardon the humor, you are still alive.  We managed not to kill you. (Hey, we are first time parents….)  Over the next few posts, I’ll probably jump around over the last 11 months talking about things you’ve done and feelings I’ve felt.  If you want an organized timeline, ask to see your baby book (if I ever got around to putting it together) or to see my Facebook Timeline… If it still exists…

I think what really pushed me to do this today was watching you half walk, half fall (but mostly walk), arms outstretched towards him across our sunroom floor into your father’s arms.  I can’t deny it anymore – You are truly leaving behind that baby stage and moving into toddler-hood.  Just one week ago, I was sitting on the floor in front of you, bits of teething cookies in my hands trying to convince you to take your first steps.  Your dad was there… He managed to look away both the first and second time you took a step.  But that’s okay, cause he saw when you first walked more than a step.  That’s the important thing!  Through out the last week, you’ve tentatively started to let go of your little walker or the chair or couch or whatever you used to pull up and take a few steps.

It boggles my mind how fast you learn things right now baby girl.  I have no words to describe the pride I feel watching you as you grow.  I can only say that one day, when you have your first child, you’ll understand what I mean.  Three months ago you had just barely started army crawling. And I mean just barely. It was slow going and you would get maybe a foot or two before you got tired and stopped.  You got good at it quick and there was no stopping you.  Then you finally realized that if you got onto your hands and knees you could go faster. Man, can you go!

Then came pulling yourself upright into a standing position and by the middle of May we’d gotten you a little push walker.  It took you about two weeks, but you soon had that thing figured out and off you went… so long as it was a straight line.  Yet time passed and you started to figure out not so much how to steer, but that you could also push it from the front or side if you got stuck somewhere.  You were there, but not quite.  Little by little, we encouraged you, held your hands and helped you.  You didn’t like that very much.  You are an independent young girl even now. If we tried to help you stand and walk, you’d go limp and sit.  We put you in front of your walker and you were gone!  Then came the steps.  I still get a tad teary thinking about it.

You’ve hit so many milestones already: Holding your head up, rolling over, sitting up,eating solids, crawling, pulling up to stand… But this one is the one that really is pulling at my heart strings.  Why?  Because it brings you out of being a baby.  Don’t worry though baby girl, you will always be my baby.